The Power of Asking Permission or Consent: How It Removes Resistance in Coaching and Everyday Conversations

As a keen observer of human behavior, one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that asking for permission or consent before offering feedback or advice is crucial in removing resistance. This principle applies not only in coaching but in everyday interactions as well.

When we approach others with unsolicited advice, even if it comes from a place of care or concern, it can often create unintended resistance and defensiveness. It’s like trying to push a door open when the person on the other side is holding it shut.

In the coaching world, this practice is essential. Coaches are in a unique position to guide, support, and offer insights that help their clients grow.

However, just like doctors cannot prescribe medicine to people who haven’t asked for their expertise, coaches cannot randomly provide feedback or advice to someone who is not a client. If they do, it risks being received with resistance because the individual may not be ready, willing, or even open to hearing it.

Why Asking Permission or Consent is Key

• It Respects the Other Person’s Autonomy

  When you ask for permission or consent before offering feedback or advice, you’re acknowledging that the other person is in control of their choices. You’re recognizing their autonomy and giving them the space to decide whether they want to receive your input or not. This simple act of respect immediately reduces the likelihood of resistance because the other person feels that their boundaries are being honored.

  
  

• It Creates Openness

  When someone grants permission, they are essentially giving you an invitation to share your thoughts. This creates a more open and receptive environment for feedback.

  Instead of being caught off guard, the person is mentally and emotionally prepared to receive what you have to say. They’re more likely to absorb your insights with an open mind rather than putting up a wall of defense.

  
  

• It Builds Trust

  Trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether in coaching, friendships, or professional settings. By asking for permission before offering feedback, you’re demonstrating that you value the other person’s perspective and that you’re not trying to impose your views on them. This strengthens the trust between you and the other person, which is vital for effective communication and collaboration.

  
  

• It Reduces the Risk of Misinterpretation

  Offering unsolicited feedback can sometimes be misinterpreted as criticism, no matter how well-intentioned it may be. When you ask for permission or consent, it sets a tone of mutual respect and understanding. The other person is more likely to see your feedback as constructive rather than judgmental, which leads to a more positive and productive conversation.

• It Empowers the Other Person

  Asking for permission empowers the other person by giving them control over the conversation. It’s no longer about what you want to say, but about what they’re ready to hear. This shift in dynamics encourages personal responsibility and growth, which is especially important in a coaching relationship.

The Role of Permission or Consent in Coaching

In coaching, permission is not just a courtesy, it’s a fundamental part of the process. A coach's role is to guide clients on their personal and professional journeys, but that guidance can only be effective if the client is fully engaged and open to it.

Offering advice or feedback without consent can feel invasive, much like a doctor randomly prescribing medication to someone without a consultation. It’s not just inappropriate, it’s ineffective. Coaching is a collaborative process, and for it to work, both the coach and the client need to be on the same page.

That’s why coaches must ask questions like:

• “Would you like to hear some feedback on that?”

• “Are you open to exploring another perspective?”

• “May I share an observation?”

These simple questions open the door for deeper, more meaningful dialogue, free from resistance. They ensure that the client is ready to receive the insights and is actively participating in their growth process.

Applying This Practice in Everyday Life

While permission is crucial in coaching, it’s also a valuable practice in everyday interactions. Whether you’re giving advice to a friend, offering feedback to a colleague, or even sharing your thoughts with a family member, asking for consent can transform the conversation.

Consider these scenarios:

• Instead of telling a friend what they should do, ask, “Would you like my opinion on this?”

• Before offering feedback to a colleague, try, “Are you open to some suggestions?”

• With a family member, you might say, “Can I share my thoughts on that?”

In each case, you’re giving the other person the choice to engage in the conversation on their terms. This approach shows respect and creates a space for open, productive communication.

At Haze Qi, I believe in fostering growth through mutual respect and collaboration. If you’re seeking a coaching experience that honors your autonomy and supports your journey in a way that feels aligned with your pace, I invite you to explore how we can work together.

Let's create a space where you feel empowered to receive the guidance and feedback that’s right for you.